-=-=-=-17:36, Ponyville Police Station-=-=-=-
"I need a freaking drink."
Twilight held a hoof to her aching forehead as the noise pounded into her head. Her friends making the most irritating uproar possible in the police lineup room. Pinkie rambled on at the top of her voice, "That was fun! ooh, remember the piano stuck up in Twilight's tree? And the fan blades, man was that cool. But of course they were cool that's what they were designed for I think they are always..."
Rarity stared up at pinkie, tears welling in her eyes, "How could you be so excited at a time like this? My reputation is ruined! I'll never live this down! Oh I can't imagine what this will do for my career. 'Everypony, look! It's Rarity the fashion designer who got arrested for the ponyville incident!' IT'S JUST NOT FAIIIIIIIIR!"
Applejack shoved Rainbow Dash as they glared at each other. "This is all your fault ya damn airhead flapper! Ya had to go insistin' and couldn't just leave things alone! Now look what ya got me into!"
"Well if you weren't such a freaking jackmare all the time-"
"What in the hell did you just call me? I'll lay you out right here and now!"
"Go ahead and try!"
A door opened at the end of the lineup room, a blue mare in a police vest talked to an unseen coworker, "Okay, which one was the arson suspect?"
"Fluttershy, the yellow one on the end."
The policemare called into the room, "Fluttershy, come with us."
Fluttershy sat in a dimly lit room, two guards at the door, awkwardly facing the policemare, "I just got word, your attorney will be here momentarily."
The room was silent save for the buzzing fluorescent light. Footsteps echoed in from the hall, gaining volume as they approached the door. The policemare raised an eyebrow as Fluttershy's attorney entered the room, "MUFFINS!"
Fluttershy's eyes shot wide open, a panicked quiver entering her pupils. "B- But... how?"
Ditzy pulled a document from her saddlebag, "Signed this so I could do something for muffins!"
The sheet was titled 'power of attorney' and it indeed had Fluttershy's signature along the dotted line, notarized and all. "Oh no. That was just supposed to be for when I had her watching my house when I was out of town."
"Regardless, the agreement has not been voided and she is your legal attorney. Can we get on with this?"
Fluttershy looked nervously at the unfocused pegasus she gave legal power to. "Let's recount the events at roughly 14:27 today."
-=-=-=-14:27, Outside of Sugarcube Corner-=-=-=-
Fluttershy cowered behind a bush as Applejack and Dash's argument became heated, "And I'm tellin you that mules ARE half pony!"
"No way, they look nothing like us! And if they're half pony, what in Equestria is the other half anyway?"
"Well I sure as hell don't know but ah'm tellin' you they're half pony!"
Rarity overheard the argument, walking by during some errands. The white unicorn approached the arguing ponies, "Honestly, must you argue about this? Any educated pony could tell you that a mule is the unholy combination of a pony..."
Dash pointed a hoof at Applejack, "HA! told yo- WHAT?"
"... And a donkey."
Applejack menaced at Rarity, "Just who are ya callin' unholy, little miss racist?"
"Well honestly have you even SEEN one of them? they're positively hideous!"
"And some of the hardest workers I've had on my farm!"
Rainbow Dash flew in front of Rarity, scowling at her, "Yeah! lay off! They're just like any other pony!"
Applejack yanked Dash down by her tail, "Now that ain't what you said earlier you lousy hypocrite!"
Dash and Applejack exchanged blows, leaving Rarity to witness the brawl. A stray hoof clipped Rarity, "Oh no you did NOT just strike a lady!"
Her horn glowed as she jumped into the fray, pummeling both with magic fists, the scene turning into a big cloud of violence. Her magic occasionally shot off in random directions, putting out windows and damaging tables. Suddenly, a strong purple glow held the three fighters stiff in the air.
"What in Celestia's name are you three DOING? Cut it out before you break anything else!"
Twilight rubbed her temple, You three somehow manage to fight about everything. Why can't you at least take it somewhere away from the town?"
Twilight looked around, there were broken tables, spilled plates of food, and ponies staring out of windows in all the nearby buildings, "I can't believe I'm actually having to tell you this!"
Dash struggled in the magic field, slowly shifting her hoof to point at Applejack, "She started it!"
Fluttershy left the safety of her bush, "Thank you Twilight. I was getting really worried about what was about to happen. you know how pinkie gets when she sees a fight."
"Oh, it's no problem. I'll just hold these three for a while until they calm do-"
All of the ponies snapped their attention to the piercing sound. Twilight whispered, "Oh Celestia no..."
The policemare finished writing the testimony in her memo pad, "This still doesn't explain why we found you at the burning house with a can of lighter fluid."
Fluttershy looked back to Ditzy, who may or may not have caught any of the testimony, "Pinkie Pie started it on accident, I was just trying to save a trapped house cat."
The blue mare pulled a folder from a stack of papers on the table, "According to the police records..."
-=-=-=-14:52, Ponyville Market Square-=-=-=-
The building spewed flames from every opening, windows blown out and the roof burned up, a malevolent heat surged from the building, threatening to ignite some of the other buildings. Pinkie Pie was trotting around covered in toothpaste, yelling, "I am the queen of prance!"
Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were tangled in a large mass of fishing line, as Rainbow Dash soared in panicked loops around the sky, leaving behind a trail of green specks, "GETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGET..."
Fluttershy gazed into the brilliant orange flame, hot wind coursing through her fur, "P-Pinkie Pie. What did you do? Why?"
Pinkie pie giggled, "How was I supposed to know a rubber chicken, a glowstick, and some confetti poppers would start a fire like that?"
"Mroooow!" Echoed from the doorway of the burning building, "A cat! It's trapped in there!"
Fluttershy rushed to the burning building, listening for the noise, "MROOOOW!"
The sound came from a box just inside the doorway, "Oh, there it is!"
A large can of lighter fluid blocked the cat inside the box, "Oh, that's all? Okay dear, just let me get this can out of your way."
As fluttershy lifted up the can, the cat darted out of the box. The pegasus quickly made her way out of the building, still holding the volatile fluid. Flashing lights greeted her as several policeponies pointed their guns at her, "Drop the can and lie on the ground, now!"
Fluttershy dropped to her belly as she saw her friends being corralled onto the wagon, hooves chained together, Dash's wings bound down, and Twilight and Rarity's horns covered by a strange metal cone.
The policemare eyed Fluttershy suspiciously, "So you are telling me that in the span of roughly twenty minutes, the incident went from a three pony fight to a burned building, tens of thousands in property damage, and fairly improbable events such as..." She flipped through her notes, "The library literally being turned upside down?"
Fluttershy squeaked softly, and mumbled, "You really haven't met Pinkie Pie."
"Well you claim you saw her start the fire with the rubber chicken, glowstick, and confetti poppers, how do you claim she managed that?
"Oh! you see, when you mix th-"
"Muffins advise you not answer that."
"But this can get me off the h-"
"Who's the lawyer?"
Ditzy stared at fluttershy, and the ceiling, indignantly.
The sound of a door opening was rang out and Fluttershy's friends could be heard laughing on their way out the building, a distinct male voice could be heard amongst them, "Well of course I would bail my best new designer out. Oh, and to leave her without any friends? Barbaric."
Fluttershy scrambled to the door, looking out the window, catching sight of Hoity Toity, holding the door for her friends, "WAIT, WHAT ABOUT ME!?"
The guards grabbed her by the front legs and jerked her away from the door, "I think we're done here. The guards will take you to your cell."
Fluttershy stared blankly as she saw Rarity sheepishly bow to Hoity Toity, shaking while being dragged to her cell, *Squeak*